turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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