cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's never too late to be topless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize