at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
