So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she peed on how many people?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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