He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
