Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize