remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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