I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
