You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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