2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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