.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
