if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
