I love black thongs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
