Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize