Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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