We're like a lot better than the average bears
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
