I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
