his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
