I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
