Sry I called you an 8
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
