Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
