I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
