Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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