I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
