Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
