We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
