a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
