Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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