erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
