The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
