i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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