i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
