Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
