Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
