still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
