eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
