I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
