Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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