heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
