I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
