when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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