he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
