well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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