they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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