i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
