dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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