I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize