you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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