do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
