Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
