she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
