areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
now i know why i became what i already was.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
