Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
