I think I died a long time ago.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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