The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think i have two assholes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
