we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
