Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
