So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
