We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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