Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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