I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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