Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
