Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
