I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
