There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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