high people should be assigned attendants
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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