remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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