glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Randomize
