if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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