i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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