I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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